Fear of Falling by S. L. Jennings Review

From GoodReads:

"I can’t remember the last time I felt completely safe. Security seemed more like a luxury to me, reserved for those who were fortunate enough to have picture perfect childhoods. For those who didn’t bear the ugly scars that keep me bound in constant, debilitating fear. I’ve run from that fear my entire life. But when I met him, for once, I couldn’t run anymore.

He scared the hell out of me in a way that excited every fiber of my being. It wasn’t the tattoos or the piercings. It wasn’t the warmth that seemed to radiate from his frame and blanket me whenever he was near. It was just…him. The scary beautiful man that threatened to alter 23 years of routine and rituals, and make me face my crippling fear.

My name is Kami and I am constantly afraid. And the thing that scares me the most is the very thing I want.

“Don’t worry,” he smiled, pulling me into the hard warmth of his chest. “I’ve got you. I’ll always catch you when you fall.”

And just like that, Blaine had staked his claim on the untouched part of me that no living soul had ever moved. He had captured every fear, every reservation, and crushed them in the palm of his inked hand.

Author Disclaimer: Abuse is real- verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. It takes place all around us; it doesn’t discriminate against race or gender, wealth or poverty. It affects us all- those of us who’ve had to live through it, or watch it happen, even those of us who’ve only heard about it. We are all affected. We are all forever changed. 

This is not a story for the faint of heart; this is the story of one woman’s very real struggle through a world against her, the people who hurt her, her real life demons and the people who showed her that every gray sky, no matter how dark, has a sun waiting to break through.

***Inspired by true events***"

My Thoughts:

Let me start off by reminding everyone that abuse is VERY real, and has touched the lives of far too many. Though Fear of Falling may make some uncomfortable to read, it is a reminder of just how life altering and terrifying such abuse can be. Not everyone is as lucky as Kami is in this book, with the support of her two best friends, who also have been through their own form of abuse.

But it is still a story of hope, a story of healing, and a story of taking hold of your own future.

"We found out that monsters were, indeed, real. They walked among us. They looked like you and me. They came in the form of the people that we loved and trusted the most."

Kami has had a traumatizing childhood full of abuse, pain, and fear. Not once in her life has she ever felt safe. She is constantly running from her past, trying to get from one place to another in fear that her past would find her, again. Part of her running, was trying to stay as far away from love as possible. She has an amazing bond between herself, Dom, and Angel (her two best friends), and that is all she believes that she needs. For the record, Angel brings just the right amount of humor and wit to this story, making it a bit lighter, and easier on the heart to read.

"I would never know what it felt like to be truly, deeply in love. And I was ok with that realization. At least that's what I told myself as my chest filled with sorrow and my heart did the impossible.

It broke even more."

On a particularly bad day, she walks right into the face of Blaine, a beautiful, tattooed man, who scares the hell out of her from the first second, because she actually feels something. She feels too much immediately, and does not know how to handle it. So, she does what she does best, runs, fast. But that will not keep her and Blaine apart, and the chemistry between them is apparent right off the bat. Blaine is no stranger to abuse and misery, and has his own past to overcome, but he quickly wants nothing more than to save Kami. He wants to be the help and the reason she needs to move on.

"I couldn't see anything beyond this. Beyond her. Beyond us. I just had to make her feel this too."

Now it is a matter of if Kami can open herself up enough to let someone besides Dom and Angel in. She has the comfort of the way she's been living, and she claims that she is "unloveable". Every relationship she has been in, she has ended before it could get too serious. But Blaine.. Blaine is a whole new ballgame for her.

"The scariest part about love isn't love itself. It's letting go and plunging into the unknown. It's trusting someone with the very most sacred part of your heart. It's allowing yourself to feel something foreign and uncharted, despite how much it terrifies the hell out of you."

When yet another life altering event happens to Kami, she is forced to face all of her demons, everything she's been running from, and get the help she so desperately needs. She also now has to decide if she will run head first into a new beginning, or run far far away, like she has always done.

"You free fall because you know there's something there to catch you on the other side."

A Note from S. L. Jennings:

"I urge you, please, if you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, get help. You don't have to live in fear. Ending the cycle of abuse is in your hands.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline:

1.800.799.SAFE

www.thehotline.org

Do it for you. Do it for your children. Do it because everyone deserves a happily-ever-after."

Favorite quote of the book:

"Life may not be pretty, but it's always beautiful. We may only see the ugliness on the surface. The shit that only the world chooses to notice. But, if we dig deep, if we get to the heart of life, where there's no pain or fear, where we can just be who we are and love freely without judgment, it's really beautiful."